Desire and Passion 1 & 2

Desire – Chapter 12

I was kind of surprised that Romania was so strict about pregnancies that they even outlawed birth control. I understand that the population needed to increase to ensure the country’s survival but that’s so limiting on women’s sexual behavior. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they outlawed condoms too. That’s like resorting back to the 1600’s when you only had sex if you wanted to have a child.

I was really bothered by the characteristics used to describe a woman based on how she orgasms? The “What can I give” versus “what can I get” argument does make sense but isn’t that a little extreme? It’s not a choice, it’s a biological preference. 

Why is it that they thought that working class women would be able to cope with unintended pregnancies better than professional class women in Aberdeen? Wouldn’t a professional class woman have the resources and money to hire someone to raise her child? A working class woman would have to take off from work, thus decreasing the families income, while incurring an added expense of another mouth to feed. I think that would cause a lot more stress. Sounds like no one bothered to think that one through.

Passion 1

I thought it was interesting that she was told that if your lover kisses you with his eyes closed, he loves you and if his eyes are open, he doesn’t. This logic seems backwards. Wouldn’t someone who is in love not want to close their eyes? Not want to take their eyes off their lover for even a minute, to be completely aware of who they were kissing? You’d think someone who wasn’t in love would close their eyes so they could envision someone else. 

As she is counting the number of times she’s slept with him, I’d love to hear his side of the story. Does he remember her name? How many other women is he involved with? Does he love his wife? She’s completely obsessed with him, her life basically revolves around him. Meanwhile, he strolls through town with his wife, is engaged in his career and has hobbies. She has fantasies about the next time she’ll see him. That’s it. that’s pathetic. And we know she’s wrapped up in it because she mentions that she’s living her love life as though it’s a book or movie. There is literally nothing going on in her life other than waiting to see him. And she puts all this effort into looking good and wearing a different outfit each time and then every time he sees her, her clothes stay on for all of 3 minutes and then end up on the floor. From this piece of information, it becomes clear what his stance on the whole thing is. This isn’t a friends-with-benefits kind of thing. There is no friendship. They don’t see each other unless they’re planning to have sex. And it’s obviously not a relationship so that leaves mutual sex friends or in our disgusting language “fuck buddies.”

“parents and children are the last people able to accept freely the sexuality of those who are closest to them and so remain forever inaccessible.” So basically, parents don’t like to see their kids dating because they have trouble accepting it while kids feel the same way about their parent’s relationships and dating which causes them to have a void in communication and therefore a lack of understanding between them which can ultimately separate them. 

“all my mother’s lovers could do was to help her escape into her dreams.” Isn’t that why we look for relationships? We’re looking to escape into a world where we don’t know what it going to happen and our imaginations run wild while we are with another person. Escapism is the reason for love. you’re escaping from the world by being with this person who makes the world seem like a nicer place, even if it’s just while you’re with them. By saying that, this girl is basically saying that her mother doesn’t have the right to escape from her life with this person for a little while, like she’s not entitled to love and happiness.

Passion 2

Out of the first 3 pages, I see that she has become invested in him. She allows him to live his life like a single man, not trying to get involved in any other aspect of his life, acknowledging the fact that he’s probably sleeping with other women, but she’s altogether unhappy with the situation, realizing, finally, that they will never be together and he will never be as much a part of her life in reality, as he is in her fantasies. Logic half pulls her out when she says she wants to leave. Leaving would be freedom, tearing away from the hold he has on her happiness and constant mood changes based on when she sees him. 

Even when she goes away on vacation and attempts to do touristy cultural things, she ends up thinking about him and making superstitious wished all relating to him. Not wishing to find someone else who she might have a better future with. She truly is stuck on this married man. She even avoids communication with other men on her trip, feeling as though “A” is right by her side and wondering while other men don’t realize. She’s brought him with him on her escape from him. 

She’s glued to a concept of women waiting for men. This is so traditional it hurts. She waits by the phone for him to call, she waits for him to show up at their appointed time, she longs to wait on him as though they were in a relationship. In the Passion 1 she talks about how she gets food and flowers in preparation for his arrival in her apartment. 

I couldn’t believe her comment on getting screened for AIDs: “At least he would have left me that.” So leaving you with a life threatening incurable disease is better than him leaving you with nothing at all? What kind of person would wish for a disease to remind them of a lover who just moved out of their country with their wife and will never see you again?

It was interesting how she made bets with herself. She’d say if something specific, like him calling her by the end of the month, happened, she’d donate 500 francs to charity. There’s this weird theme going on with money like she feels the need to pay for her happiness/attention/love life accomplishments that are out of her control. it’s almost like saying maybe if she’s promises to complete an act of kindness, the universe will work in her favor and bring him back.