Kissing Jessica Stein

I found this to be a really powerful movie because unlike most movies centered around a gay or lesbian couple, this movie didn’t concentrate on the issue of coming out to family and friends so much as the inner struggle Jessica has over taking a big risk. Jessica doesn’t seem to feel the full weight of her relationship with Helen until she comes out to Joan, her friend at the newspaper, and almost immediately becomes hysterical over what she’s doing and the decisions she’s made. It’s almost as though she regrets it from that moment but decides to continue through it. from there, we watch her try to cover it up to her family and friends at work, lying here and there to dissuade them from figuring it out. By the end, her mother has picked up on it and she tells Josh outwardly about it. This is when she fully accepts that there’s been a change in what she’s looking for. I guess you could say that the theme of the movie was not about the gay community. It’s about experimenting to find the strength to decide on what you want out of life and who you want to share life with, no matter that person’s gender. And even a step further, that our friends and our significant others may overlap but if they’re worth keeping around, they can be both or choose one, but just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean a friendship has to too. Jessica manages to keep Josh as a friend after telling him about Helen and Jessica and Helen manage to maintain a close friendship even after their breakup and Helen finding a new girlfriend.

I loved that they portrayed the lesbian relationship going through things a straight couple would go through. There was the introduction to friends and family, people asking questions and speculating a lot. There’s the taking a date to a wedding, which in some families is a really big deal. They even tackle the issue of a couple with two different religious backgrounds and show how accepting Helen is of Jessica’s religion. They portrayed the fights in such a real way that you felt like you had an active investment in the argument. It was so relatable, even if you’d never been in a lesbian relationship. Their fights could have just as easily been between a straight couple. I even loved the ending, which is rare. I expected the breakup but I didn’t expect them to stay friends even after Helen got a new girlfriend.

Jessica actually reminded me a lot of a friend from high school. She’s picky but gets into things fast, not necessarily taking the right route to what she wants because she doesn’t really know what she wants. She’s jumpy and finicky and particular about things. She needs to know what happens next before she starts, she can’t just doing anything and see where it leads. She’s very planned and meticulous instead of spontaneous. In that way, she reminds me of myself. 

So basically, what I got out of this movie is that lesbian/gay couples juggle the same issues as a straight couple after the coming out process is over. There was a cultural aspect I liked about how easy it is to be accepted by society as a bisexual person now as opposed to a few decades ago. This movie made it look so easy to just be like “yup, I’m gonna try this out” and show the spontaneous side of just trying on a new hat, experimenting with who we are without the fear of letting go of who we were. Jessica eventually goes back to her old self but there are very clear aspects of things she’s brought back from her relationship with Helen. She lets her hair down without straightening it and wears clothes that are professional while artistic and he comes out of her artistic bubble and lets people see what’s going on in her life through her art.

Kristeva and The New Yorker

Tales of Love – Kristeva 

“For what is psychoanalysis if not an infinite quest for rebirths through the experience of love, which is begun again only to be displaced, renewed, and, if not abreacted, at least collected and set up at the heart of the analysand’s ulterior life as an auspicious condition for his perpetual renewal, his non-death?”

What I got out of this section is that she’s arguing that love makes us live, it is life and embodies all of the trials and tribulations of life, but every time it ends, we feel as though we are near death for having given up something so profound and then discovering that we can find it again and be “reborn” through new love. At the same time, she reconciles that one must give up some of their independence and personal goals and aspirations in order to be at peace in a relationship even though these things we give up to be in a relationship may cause resentment and ultimately lead to an end. 

I really like how she put it “a risk of death, a chance of life.” Love is a collaboration between the ultimate in living and the ultimate in dying or feeling as though you are dying. Later she remarks that “love never dwells in us without burning us.” And one last one I really liked “would the symptoms of love be the symptoms of fear?”

She talks about how difficult it is to communicate with your partner about what exactly your love means. We find it true, subjective and ethical and unethical simultaneously but it’s also confining. She brings up this idea that when you’re in love, that’s just about you. It doesn’t really matter if it’s mutual love or not because the feelings you as an individual possess cannot be mimicked in the life of your partner, no matter how much you share about it. In this way, love, or any emotion for that matter, is a distancing force that can make you separate you emotionally  from those around you. She believes that this is where God comes into play as an intermediary force that bonds people together but this only explains the relationship where faith is a contributing and uniting factor between two parties and that is not the case in all relationship. 

If you think about the concept of a relationship, you could argue that it comes down to two people who, while still possessing their individual characteristics, form almost a united identity which is recognizable by both people who are familiar with the relationship as well as the public. This factor plays a huge role in why breakups are debilitating to some people. It’s a loss of identity, a missing half leaving an unfulfilled or lacking person. When she says “in love “I” has been an “other”.” To me that means that we are completely different people when we are in love and out of love because we perceive the world through different lenses depending on whether or not we are temporarily traveling alone or have a shared identity that brings stability. 

Looking for Someone – The New Yorker

By page 3 of this article, I was so sold. This is right up my alley. I almost wish this had been my topic. I find it fascinating that everything about humans can basically be duplicated in numbers. I’m not saying it’s always correct or a good match or asks the right questions, I just think it’s really cool that someone was able to figure out how to get online match making to work. What really intrigues me about online dating, as mentioned in the article, is how dating websites use humans as both supply and demand. It’s almost like a slave trade…. But mutual!

Later, the website Ashley Madison was brought up which is a website for cheating spouses and what bothers me is not only did someone come up with that immoral idea, but there are enough people cheating to warrant its existence as a profit making company. That’s disgusting. It now makes sense that “the most valuable asset is attractive females. As soon as you get them, you get loads of creepy guys.” And that is the number one reason why I would not use an online dating website.